Final Decisions (Again).

It amuses me that when I finally feel like I've made my decision for good, I hear one more perspective that has the ability to change my mind again.

I am no longer worried about my residency decision. I feel like both of my top programs (and in fact my entire list) will provide good training. But I do hesitate. 'Twill be a relief when I will no longer be able to modify my list.

And, let's be honest. It would be nice to live on a beach for 3-5 years. And it's still an option. *grins*

I was thinking today that the ending of BSG is paralleling my end to medical school. I started watching it during my first year -- Justin tempted me with it while I was preparing for a gross anatomy exam (which was, of course, always, during the majority of my freshman year). As characters grow and change and are lost, I am curious how my own perspectives and ideals have changed during this four year period. In some ways, I really like the person I've become. But I do miss the idealism of first season, even amongst the turmoil.

Today is Valentine's Day. Justin and I have plans that involve sushi later this evening. And, perhaps, a pan of brownies.

I'm re-watching Veronica Mars. I like to think that I could be like her, but I realize too much of my marshmallow is on the outside instead of hidden on the inside like Veronica's. She has a sass that I find appealing. A show comes on before BSG that involves vampires...we always catch the closing scene during an emo moment involving a particular vampire and a blond girl always standing at the doorway of an apartment (last night involved a moment where the Love Interest and the Brooding Vampire (BV) were caressing both sides of a wooden door, unable to reach out and touch one another while the BV narrates the moment by saying he cannot open the door because he fears he will hurt her -- gag). All this to say, the actor who plays Logan Ecchols (Jason Dohring) is apparently a "best friend" vampire in the show. And now, I am vaguely interested in the sappy vampire show, because I like Logan in Veronica Mars. What can I say -- I have a thing for bad boys.

Suppose I have nothing of any real interest to post today. I spent a week in the state hospital with troubled adolescents. I watched a Japanese film (Ikiru) in my Medicine Through Literature class -- I highly recommend it. And I have started studying for Step 3. Same ol', same ol'.

The Last Visit.

I am sitting here in my last hotel room of interview season. It is a stressful time in some ways. But it has become significantly less stressful in others. I have to decide how I want to spend my next five years. And I have the added bonus of deciding for both myself and my significant other, who is supportive to the nth degree. It's difficult to determine what is most important: training program, quality of training, breadth, location, facilities, educational program, research opportunities.

And it is even harder to decide now. Because right now, all that I can think is, "Oh my goodness, I'm so glad it's over."

It's true. I'm going to have to rank the programs that I have visited. I'm going to have to decide if I want to be a masochist and triple board (peds/psych/child psych), or be a Yankee and double-board (combined psych/child psych), or enter a categorical psychiatry program somewhere between Honolulu and Massachusetts and go through this whole process again in three or four years.

But at least, then, it'll be out of my hands. The mystical computer system will tell me where I am going to be, and that will be that.

I'm going to submit my rank list here in a few days.

* * * * *

I was speaking with a fellow fourth year medical student about how the medical education process in many ways destroys the love of learning and the educational process. I am taking two longitudinal weekly night classes to make up for my unanticipated month of interviewing in December that have helped to remind me of the joy I used to have in the classroom setting.

"The History of American Medicine" is being taught by a history professor who is driving in from Memphis every other week for the course. She has such enthusiasm about the topic that it is hard to not love it with her. I have learned the origins of the term "mesmerized" and noted the odd anatomical drawings published by Vesalius in De Humani Corporis Fabrica.





























Yes, in the second picture, the man is holding his own skin. I tried to find the particularly disturbing image of a man holding his own intestines while smiling, but alas, I was unsuccessful.

My other new class of the semester is "Medicine through Literature". This promises to be an interesting course. It reminds me of the occasional intimate classes of undergrad, where class participation is required while we discuss how we critically analyze poetry and other such literary works. I may have gotten into a bit of a disagreement with the literature professor. But I hold by my stance that "correct" interpretations of poetry do not exist -- that it says just as much about how an individual interprets a poem as the actual poem (and author's intent) itself.

It may be a fun end to medical school.